110% Self

Why do we say "the wrong things" in front of others, or piss people off without even realising it?

We build our personalities, and present them to everyone we meet. The way we talk, the way we react, everything. Our personality bleeds everywhere, and by itself, it's impossible to miss it. Fortunately for most of us, we are social beings, and tend to conform nicely so that most of us don't even realise that everyone is unique in their special way.

As always, there exists a group that does things differently. Some people possess more eccentric personalities, be it a guttural Aussie accent or frequent usage of incomprehensible language. Drawing away from such social norms encourages differentiation, and in the worst cases, segregation. Being humans, the tendency to bond with other humans does exist, and we will try to gain acquaintances based on common interest, hence the socialising process. However, if a certain eccentricity makes someone so uncomfortable that he believes that he has nothing in common with the other person, then you begin to see some segregation taking place.

So what's wrong with this segregation?

First, we may try to enforce this segregation by drawing the line. The actual actions taken vary, but examples include ignoring the other person, or basically minimising social contact with him. By drawing the line, we create distance to make ourselves feel comfortable. At the same time, we send a clear message to the guy that he is being segregated, and possibly lead him to consider why the distance is being created.

A less drastic alternative is to maintain contact, but to show contempt for the personality trait concerned. The action can vary from poking fun at the person to open mockery. They usually focus on the person more than the trait that has brought upon him such grievances, which obviously does not do the person much good. Often, the person does not know why people make fun of him, nor does he know if there's anything about himself that can be improved upon to be more socially amicable.

Even when the person realises that something is wrong, he may not feel a need to fix his personality to resolve the issue either. As social beings, even if we are eccentric, we will find others who share the same eccentricity. The result? More segregation.

As human beings, we will always try to be superior. If there is a course of action which is better in your opinion, you will by all means take it. Nobody in their right mind would choose something which he knows will disadvantage him in pursuing his objectives. Likewise, we will choose over time to behave in a way we feel is best. However, upon chancing upon someone with a personality quirk, we panic. "Is the way this guy is acting cool?" Every now and then you find someone who you think is cool, but for every cool person, there are many not-cool people out there, the eccentric ones whose traits make them "socially inferior", which thus make ourselves "socially superior". By believing that we are superior, we therefore see no need to change ourselves, and continue the way we are.

The problem now is that when everyone believes the same thing, nobody changes.

Luckily, while humans try to be superior, they also try to find people who have things in common with them. When they do find fellow beings to relate to, a mixing of personalities occurs which defies their superiority complex. Now, the new persona they have created becomes the superior choice, because it is the choice that they eventually found themselves best with.

Of course, such processes do not occur without attrition. Hence the times when you say "the wrong things".

Sadly enough, some people don't change. They're too full of themselves. Which is what makes them outcasts. Some of them don't even realise that being socially adept is a matter of survival in this cut-throat world.



Well, was that good? Haven't done something like this for a while...

Anticipate

If every day in camp is not strenuous and discouraging, it's boring and discouraging. I can already feel the absolute lack of purpose leaching into my brain. Every day is becoming a chore, where the human mind is slowly transformed to function in a drone-like state. Will such trials be rewarded?

Perhaps. I can at least wake up when I want to with a little more... discipline. The watchword in this island nation.

Things are happening that are beyond my control. But it is in times like this that I know faith is the best solution. When you have true faith, for some reason or other, things just happen, that happen to go your way.

Freedom

Something I'm pretty short of. Back for a few hours again, and then back to camp. Now I'm not sure which one is my real home anymore...

Hang on. Never mind. Civilian wins hands down. We always shift bunks anyway.

...I won't get arrested for this, right?

Now all I have left is to serve God. I can't bring my computer to camp anyway.

Faith

The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Yesterday... was a day I took such a long time to achieve. A day that I thought would not exist for an even longer time. But it happened. And I praise God for it.

For that day, I nearly forgot the sorrow of detachment from the rest of the world.

I pray that she makes the right choice. For this may be her only chance now. And oh, for God to reveal His truth to her, it must have been a real stunner.

The items didn't have the bang I thought they would. Although on hindsight, it should have been expected. But that's not important anymore. Now, lives are at stake.

What for?

Why do I even blog?

Nobody reads anyway. I think I'm talking to myself...

Maybe I need just that. Somewhere to pen all my thoughts so that nobody but me knows.

Yes... just what I needed.

Trouble on the Sides

Trouble on my left and right. Sometimes, things don't go the way I hoped they would, or people refuse to do the things I hope they would, and people do things I hoped they wouldn't.

That's why sometimes I find it so easy to simply look straight. Because the focus isn't on how much things screw up around you. The focus is what you choose to focus on.

Window Shopping

I'm not even going to repeat myself...




I don't know how it happened, or whether I had planned or even expected it or not, but I found myself browsing a store full of random trinkets with her. Such times, I reckon, are God-ordained, and usually I just leave it at that. The store itself was petit, and one wonders how the shopkeepers managed to cram so many things into such a small space. You couldn't stretch your arms without knocking something over. After squeezing through an aisle, we stopped to scan for objects of interest. Then she found one: A teddy bear, but the size of a fingernail.

"Wow, people actually make things like these?", she remarked. I feigned surprise, and replied, "What the heck..?"

After putting the teddy down, we continued finding random things to comment about and marvel over, until I suddenly realised that everything was too natural. "Naturally", I stepped back and thought about what I was doing. It felt... different this time. The urge to avoid her was gone, like it just disappeared. To everyone else, we were just friends window shopping at some random store, despite the fact that we rarely talked to each other. But when I stopped to think, suddenly I felt unsafe, like on thin ice. Even though everything we were doing was okay, I felt off-kilter then, as if I shouldn't be there.

"And what if she already knows?" "Why are we even here, maybe she just wants to be a friend?". The worries and questions piled. While she seemed engrossed in the cute music boxes and intricate toy puzzles, I was immersed in a world fraught with thought and speculation. I chided myself for "thinking too much", as my friends have so passionately pointed out to me many times. Yet if I put thinking aside, I would be even more insecure, doing things recklessly. But perhaps, I thought to myself, I should not be thinking about things like this so much.

After all, we were just window shopping.


Knowledge is power - sometimes I fear I give away too much.