Outward

Where was I..?


But first, ORD loh. Maybe I'll have more time to blog ^^


Anyway.

I have noticed many a time, people (admittedly, myself included!) where people put up a front. They would act differently when with others as compared to, say, when they are by themselves. Discounting performances, play-acting, prank-playing or the like, where people would premediate to entertain (or mock) an audience, people do put up an act for whatever reason, to show people a person different from themselves. And they often do succeed. Initially. But as the facade peels away, so does the person's psyche, as they either scramble to maintain and utterly fail, and fall back into their natural selves eventually, or they give up, and still fall back into their natural selves even faster. Either way, people get disillusioned, feeling like they've been tricked into believing that that person was something else.


Why?
Sometimes people think they are unfit, maybe even inadequate. They think that their peers do not like aspects of their character, and they do their best to suppress them, and then fabricate or emphasise traits which they think will turn their peers on. A generally quiet boy could become a hopping fanatic, jumping and screaming with his OG mates during Orientation camp, when honestly a good day for him, rather, would be to play a good game of checkers with a close friend. Another, more blatant display of this is a boy trying to impress a girl, but I think most of us already know how that story goes.


The above examples of showing a facade were incentive-motivated. By becoming a hopping fanatic, the boy hopes to bond with his mates better, and perhaps even make good friends with them after Orientation. By trying to impress the girl (Being more macho? Haha), he hopes to win her affection. Then there are disincentive-oriented scenarios. For example, when in a board meeting. All the department heads have to exude a sense of knowledgeability and control over their department, even if they may not feel so. If they show insecurity or confusion, their fellow heads will see it as a weakness, and his standing in the board will be diminished. In a cut-throat corporate world, it might not be surprising to see such a person ousted hastily.


What is the difference between incentive-oriented and disincentive-oriented? For the most part, it is often easier to walk away from putting up a facade for the former than it is for the latter. For example, it is easier to not show off to a girl than it is to lose your job. Additionally, in the latter, it is more out of necessity than out of personal gain that the person would put up a show.


If in a world where everyone has differing standards, it is not easy to "be yourself". What then should you do?


As far as possible, steer clear of disincentive-oriented scenarios. Many people find themselves trapped, forced to put up a show. And when it all falls apart, the result is never good. Unfortunately, "being yourself" just doesn't quite cut it in a highly competitive modern society.


The solution to that is to change yourself. Thousands of office workers attend countless self-improvement courses, attempting to become more outspoken, more confident, more charismatic. And many testify to these courses' effectiveness. The danger, however, lies in what frame of mind these office workers enter these courses with. Why do they enter such and such a course? To command better paychecks? To impress the boss? If not taken with the proper mindset, these courses could end up teaching them how to better portray the facade instead of substituting the facade, and not solve the problem at all.


One way to overcome this is to take the lessons and apply them into your daily life. By doing so, you would use what you learned so often that it would become natural to you, and you would not feel like you're putting up an act, suffice to say you're not showing a facade anymore because that's what you really are. If what you learned is generally good, such as responsibility or being considerate (say, for client and family), then the problem is well solved. What if the stuff you learned is specific?


Then it's time to cherry-pick. Decide what you want to learn, and what you do not want to.


Maintain the balance.


It's getting late. Again. Meh.